I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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