just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she told me i tasted like america
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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