He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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