I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
