If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
