No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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