I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
