so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
