You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
