It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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