If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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