If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
