Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also, beer. Big fan.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
