Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The power of my boobs compel you
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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