i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
