I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
