i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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