I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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