Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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