I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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