Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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