her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
