I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
