found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
