oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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