How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
