How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
