the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
