new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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