sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My ATM looks so different sober.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
