Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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