I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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