you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
