Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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