i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
