Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
