She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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