Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
