Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I understand Curling. That high.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
