its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
