Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
