i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
