Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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