watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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