hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
