I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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