Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
