you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
