sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
FUCK WHALES
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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