also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
