I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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