idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
