Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
