Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
