An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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