I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
