Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
